I have been out long… and in long battle too… against me.
Let me just tell you about a little of what I seem to realize and ?failed to realize about me.
Though already married and yet without a child, I wanted to always be the one providing for my parents and extend this to my siblings and their family. I usually am the outspoken in our family. When asked, I try not to sugar-coat my disappointment; I freely tell them what I feel about things. Because for me, family is family and nothing should be kept secret. I give communication a high regard. I have always thought that I must forgo what my loved ones would feel when the things I am going to say do not agree with them, because I believe it will ultimately yield good things for them.
But, this is not always the case. I realized that I have issues. Issues that make me unpleasant to them. Extending help is a great endeavor. Communication is really of prime importance. But, using communication as a way of forcing your loved ones to duplicating what you do is wrong. I wanted them to be like me! This is wrong… so wrong. I am already abusing communication and I am now using it as a tool to disrespect them. Wanting others to be like your self would be robbing them off of their uniqueness and disrespecting them as a person, and also your uniqueness and respect for self.
I thought what I was doing is good. I thought I am doing the right thing. I am becoming what I do not intend myself to be. Extending help does not give me any right to be disrespectful of them. I thought providing gives me power. I realized I was just sugar-coating the bad with it. Now, I know I am wrong and I must go down from my pseudo-pedestal before i lose the very people i treasure and strive to keep. I rule no one.
I am a dishonor to the noble act of helping.
I am sorry.
